What could be the best advice? serious answers only (:?

my dad changed a LOT. i mean we havent done anything wrong for him to change. and when it comes to financial matters, as long as he could trick us he will.. he keeps his money from us unlike bfore. and he doesnt care for our family anymore. well he didnt say that but that's how we feel. i cant even feel that he is my dad. he goes home here 2 times only in one week, then he brings all his clothes with him. oops not only clothes even blankets,towels,pillowcases etc..if you are thinkin that maybe he has business trips or something, no you are wrong..


we asked him bfore and tried to confront him if he has another family. he said no and he makes a lot of alibis. until now, my parents talked again and then he confessed already that i have a new sister. i cant accept it coz he had done so many hurtful things and he cant even provide my needs then he just added a new obligation??the hell...and now after talking about his kid, he's acting like theres nothin happend..





help me.. advice please?





thanks


xo





PS im 15 yrs old.What could be the best advice? serious answers only (:?
I am very, very sorry. The best advice that I can give you is that, in relationships, you offer your trust and respect to the other person, and if it is not returned, then there is nothing you can do about that. The relationship is over. It was the other person's choice to withhold their trust and respect, and it is not your fault in any way. It is incredibly painful when the person is your parent, but we don't get to choose our parents. What you have to do is to surround yourself with people who DO offer you trust and respect, and those are your real family.





It sounds like, for now at least, things are pretty much over with your Dad. But, I hope that in the years to come, you will get in touch with your sister. She is probably going to have some tough times with your Dad as well, over the years, and you will have that in common. One day, when you are much older, your parents will be gone, and you may actually be glad to have a sibling.





Let yourself grieve over the damage to your relationship with your father. The steps are denial, bargaining (how can I fix this?), anger, grief and acceptance. You will switch back and forth. The way to get through these stages is to talk, talk, talk. Talk to your friends. Talk to a counselor. Talk until you understand that you have no control over your father. You cannot change what he is. It is not your fault. There was nothing you could do to fix it. Your father is probably mentally ill. He may not even be able to help the way he is. He has lost a great deal, in the destruction of his relationships with your mother and with you. And, he will suffer throughout his life because he sabotages his relationships this way. But, your father has had choices. He made the choice to behave the way he did, and he made the choice not to apologize, promise to correct the behavior and then actually do it. That was his choice, and he has made his decisions known.





You can deal with your father's behavior and move on with your life. You can build strong relationships based on trust and respect, and find peace, contentment and happiness in your life. The way to do that is to make the decision that your father irrelevant to your happiness. Your life will go on. You will love and be loved. You will strive and achieve your goals. Perhaps get married and have a family of your own, who will love you the way your father failed to do.





In your heart, say goodbye to your father, and move on with your life. If he ever makes the decision to offer you trust and respect, you can deal with that when the time comes, but for now, he is not respecting you. He is not being a father to you. You cannot let him get in the way of living your life and finding happiness for yourself.





http://www.authorsden.com/visit/viewArti鈥?/a>What could be the best advice? serious answers only (:?
Have your Mom file for a divorce. Then have the courts drop child support on his head. He has to pay it or go to jail.





This is no longer a family matter.


Its one for the courts.





I am sorry you are so sad. Life is not easy.
Your dad turned out to be a disloyal jerk. But it is not your fault. Time to be very supportive of your mom. If they are not able to work things out you and her will be able to start life over without your ';dad';.
actually, i think u should directly go to ur father and tell abt ur problem.it may be difficult 4 u but it is the best solution i think.
oh sweetheart.....im so sorry you're going through this. Clearly your parents have had a break down in their marriage. This has NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU!!!! Dont think you did something. He's is likely having a man-crisis......your parents will either work through it or he will go to his new family. you dont have to accept it. You're old enough to make that decision.


Horrible situation. so rotten you have been worrying about it


:( chin up sweetie
Sadly, so many fathers let their children down... I don't know what goes on in the minds of these men.





But, even though your father is letting you down, you can still have a full, positive, healthy, successful life. Don't let his mistakes cast a shadow over your life, and don't allow yourself to feel at fault or guilty. This is your father's problem and failure; it's not yours.





My sister and I have different fathers, and both of our fathers were gone as we grew up. In some ways, we are stronger people because of it; we know we can count on ourselves and each other, and that's what matters. Our relationship with our mother is very close, because she was our only parent. We had a wonderful, loving family-- even though it didn't include a dad at home. Families don't have to be the traditional mom-dad-kids thing.





I know you miss your dad and want him to be there with you... But, unfortunately, there's nothing you can do to change his behavior. He's an adult; he will either come back to your family, or he won't. That's up to him, and him alone. You can (and should) tell him exactly how his behavior makes you feel. Don't minimize the pain you're feeling, and don't hold back. Then, it's up to him to decide what he will do.





The best advice I can give you is to keep your self-esteem and strength separate from your father. No matter what he does, you will still be a strong, successful person. It's not your fault if he leaves. It will be difficult and sad, but you will get through it. You can still have a relationship with your dad if you want to. In fact, once I became an adult, I reconnected with my father, and we're now very close. It took me many years to realize that my father's leaving wasn't at all about me; it was about his and my mom's marriage falling apart.





Stay strong!!!! You'll get through this...
Please don't feel in any way that you could have caused any of this.


As a Parent myself I have had to deal with this situation with my kids, and yes my Daughter felt like her Dad didn't love her either.


But after talking to her and after a little time she now understands that it is her Dad's own personal problem.


What he has been doing is purely a selfish act and believe me when I say that he has not given any thought to how this would effect you.


Sometimes we has parents get so wrapped up in our own problems we tend to forget the total effect it has on our kids.


Bring your concerns to him alone and really talk about how it hurts you and how you feel about what he's done.


Try to think about the situation from the outside looking in and separate yourself from the fact that he is your Dad and look at him as a person. This is a problem only your parents can work out as far as their relationship goes.


But your relationship with your father needs to be brought to his attention.


By no means should he be let off the hook, he should be held accountable for his actions and be responsible for your welfare.


As far as your new sister goes...Just remember she is in the same boat as you are, he is her Dad too, it's not her fault that he is the way he is. Maybe he's doing the same thing to them.


Your Mom should step up and make sure he upholds his responsibilities to you.


Right now your Mom is probably feeling pretty Bad/confused right now and is unsure what she should really do.


But keep strong for your Mom and for yourself.
ok... first, don't listen to that matt guy that was a real jerk thing to say. second, i'm sorry to hear you're going through something like this. i've never been through something quite like this, but i do know how it feels to be abandoned by a parent.





would family counseling be an option? i know sometimes that can sound intimidating, but it really can help. it also seems like your dad is going through some sort of personal crisis and some individual counseling could help him as well. if he is totally against the counseling, even just you and your mom could go. or even just you. trust me, it helps talking to someone who is totally unbiased and doesn't judge you, your family or your situation. if money is a problem for something like this, check into options in your area..there's clinics and support groups out there for just about anything.





hope this helps a little. best of luck to you... and remember, keep your head up. (and no matter how it seems or how you feel your dad loves you! in his own weird, unconventional way. it took me a long time to realize that in my own situation.)








also - here's a website i found that might help with a little info -





http://www.iemily.com/article-378.html
Well first off I'm not really sure what your asking....


I'm 17 and my mom and dad are divorced.


My dad remarried almost automatically after the divorce between him and my mom and I basically like never hear from him, let alone see him.


So I can kind of relate to you.





But I would really like to help you out on this, I give really great advice but I just need some more information about your dad......to actually help you.....hmmm......maybe you should try emailing me, I could respond to you that way if you like?





email: kaitlyn_1992@rocketmail.com
Talk to a conciller, a really mature friend or both. This really sucks, but rember you are not alone. As far as I know my Dad has only one family but despite this my mother and father have argued fought, separated, threatened divorce and basically treated myself and my sister like **** since I have been a teenager. Think of it this way, one day you will have your own job, your own place to stay, your own car, your own money and your own boyfriend/ girlfriend. So if you family is still a mess by then you will not have to feel as alone as you do now.


Good luck with this.